October 28, 2013

Shame And The Art of Living Fully!

Happy Monday!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

In my blog today, I share some highlights of the past few days with some of my Zero Force Coaching clients, then I get into the vlog topic for today.

Working With Zero Force Clients

I had a great time working with Jason and Jared, two of my ZERO FORCE Coaching clients.

My ZERO FORCE Coaching program allows me to work with a pre-dertermined period of time with those clients that are committed to work through issues over a year or more (usually through skype) so that they realize their dreams through the art of personal, professional and spiritual self-mastery. Many are executives with a lot of responsibility.

It is great fun for me to host my amazing clients when they come to do some focused work with me.

Jason Paul Bell
When Jason arrived, he gave me a beautiful hand crafted antique temple bell from China. It’s a beautiful piece and has a lovely sounding ring to it. I’m excited to use it in some classes or when recording meditations.

PC Jason, Jared tai-chi
Here you can see Jared, Jason and I practicing free-form tai-chi. I shared some tips for accessing the chi-field, and worked with them on integrating breathing and movement. Then we spent time relaxing into no-mind and following the natural flow of the chi emerging from the environment.

We also had a great time rattling, playing Native American drums, doing dynamic meditations, chanting and singing my 4 Doctor songs.

I commonly use healing art therapy with my clients, both for teaching purposes, and for body-mind healing. This was Jason and Jared’s first time painting on a canvas, so it was quite new and intriguing to them. I’m quite new to painting myself, so I always enjoy learning more and more each time I paint.

We did two pieces each over our three-day session. Our first pieces are the ones resting on the ground, and we are holding our second pieces.


Vidya joined in on the second day, and you can see her beautiful painting. Fortunately, I get to watch her do art pretty often, and she’s full of little tricks I can pick up .

Vidya and I were both amazed at the depth of beautiful simplicity in Jason and Jared’s art. Their use of symbols makes their art very powerful, sending many messages to the sub-conscious mind of the viewer.

Part of my 4 Doctor training includes mastering the principles of “working-In”. I encourage effective rest via naps, peace-points (mini-breaks), and a variety of other restful methods.


Here you can see Jared mastering Dr. Quiet with one of my beautiful trees next to my office. The wind was blowing and the sound was beautiful as it passed through the pine needles.

We had a lovely visit together. Enjoyed lots of Vidya’s amazing food, great weather, being barefoot on the earth and stones, art, music, deep rest, meditation, tai-chi and a lot of joy .

Shame and The Art Of Living Fully

I was recently reading The Art Spirit, by Robert Henri, and fell into meditative reflection on my life and my work with people after reading this passage on page 177:
“Shame makes a small man give up a lot of time smearing over and covering his rough edges.”

– A negative emotion that combines feelings of dishonor, unworthiness, and embarrassment.
– A cause of regret or disappointment.

I was immediately struck by memories of all the time I felt ashamed of myself as a child, and in life in general – and all the times people tried to make me feel shameful of myself – and what beliefs were behind the opinions of the shame-makers.

If one meditates on the issue of shame, shaming, feeling ashamed of yourself or others, it is likely that awareness of the fact that all such judgments express one’s belief system. Your beliefs determine what and how you judge, what is, and isn’t acceptable as human behavior in your view.

Parents are often very hard on children who come home from visiting friends, libraries, or the web with views antagonistic to their own; the most volatile being views of differing religious orientation.

Shameful feelings in my clients are most commonly rooted in religious ideologies – many of which can lead to dangerous environments for a child’s mind to develop in. It is a great day of liberation when on reaches the point in their spiritual journey where they realize that GOD IS, and Loves ALL, and that UNCONDITIONAL LOVE cannot judge; to judge, GOD would have to separate into three:

1. A CONSCIOUS witness that is neither the judge or the subject of judgment, without which, there is no basis for sentience, or a subject~object relationship. One needs a canvas to paint on.

2. The Judge

3. The Judged

This creates a dangerous trio, all of which are merely “gods”. This misunderstanding is directly related to most religiously motivated violence. To be wrongfully shamed, to wrongfully shame another, or to feel ashamed over an idea that is only truth by belief (not reality), is a painful wound.

In my vlog today, I share an expansion of what I’ve shared here, and give tips in the following areas for overcoming shame:

1. Love (What is a dream worth living, growing, and healing for?)

2. “Conscience”; being aligned with your inner-voice. Being brave enough to ask yourself “Is it really true?” when feeling shame.

3. Having 4 Doctor core values to support and affirm your dream-weaving decisions each day.

Only when you are clear as to who you are and what values are your means to an end, can you ever really determine if your act(s), or another’s act(s) are shameful; even then, it is often a clash of values that leads to such judgments as shame. Understanding that GOD can’t judge leaves all such judgments as shame in the providence of human beliefs.

My recommendation as a therapist is not to believe any such judgment if your heart tells you that your intention or self-appraisal is (honestly) otherwise.

People have every right to judge self and other, but to the degree you participate in a way that generates separation, you create fear at a conscious and/or unconscious level.

Regardless of the underlying reasons for judging self and others, doing so always creates disconnection, retarding the natural flow of love in relationships.

The emerging sense of isolation leads to tremendous psycho-physical illness, relationship problems, and a people that feels they need to carry guns to feel safe, that needs bigger fire-power than their neighbors…

When shame is something useful, it is because in the inner-sanctum of our conscience (our soul), we know that what we did was not a natural way to love.

When we look at our choices and actions honestly, and feel honest shame, it becomes a great motivator to grow. At that point, shame transforms into higher self-awareness, which is a beautiful expression of love awakening within an individual ego-soul.

4. Process – Outcome: Here it talk about the process we all go through to achieve the optimal outcome in life experiences.

5. Mastery/Masters Embrace: Here I explain that contrary to popular belief, masters are not perfect people! Masters are courageous, honest in their self-expression, and willing to be true to who they really are, and what they love.

They are not “shameful”; they don’t cover over their rough edges to meet social approval!

They exploit their weaknesses to the degree that they perceive doing so a means to their chosen end. Masters are people who understand exactly what OSHO meant when he said, “If you want to be a star, you’ve got to learn to play with fire!”

Masters are the people you can learn the most from in the shortest period of time…That said, they are the most likely to be honest with you when they think you are BS’ing yourself (from their perspective of course).

I hope you enjoy the video blog on shame today.

Love and chi,
Paul Chek