July 5, 2011


Good Day To You!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

For those of you in the US, I hope you had a lovely independence day!

I mixed rest with writing in about equal parts over the past four days. I relaxed and got a massage Friday and spent some time at home. Sven Hansen and I did some lovely rattling together Friday afternoon and had a nice visit.

Saturday Vidya and I didn’t feel like dong much of anything but drawing and lazying. I spent most of the day creating an art piece that exemplifies my vision of MIND and then stacked rocks in the evening when it cooled down. It was 86º at home Saturday so I enjoyed lazing and drawing until it cooled.

Sunday and Monday I spent half a day on my HTEM&BH! rewrite project, which is going very well. I’m really excited to publish the new additions to my book.

Vidya and Penny were both mixing rest with gardening and catching up on the things they couldn’t get to during the week so it seemed to be catch-up time for all of us.

Even JP Sears was here seeing clients yesterday so I expect the holiday weekend allowed a lot of people an opportunity to fill some gaps.

I hope you’ve been enjoying this series as much as I have been writing them. Today, we will finish.

I’ve not seen many comments on this series, so I suspect many of you are in a state of introspection. That is a good place to rest on this topic.

Whenever we come across information, or a teacher that offers us a chance to become more aware of the root-nature of our thoughts, words and deeds, there can be a period of inner chaos. Fear often arises because our sense of love and our sense of logic informs us of the obviousness of truth, yet our shadow-nature loves lurking in the shadows. This is akin to someone that isn’t happy with how they feel about themselves on the inside and lets the shadow lead their way to resolving the issue.

The shadow often chooses to heal what it can see in the mirror, using make-up, clothing, jewelry, and a variety of adornments to hide the dirt being swept under the rug. This behavior becomes a pattern that is evident when people won’t step outside their house without the clothes and make-up that create their “mask”.

How often, for example, do you see women in the gym exercising while all dolled up to the degree that their adornments defeat the purpose of going to the gym and sweating and getting elbows deep in some real work, real exercise?

How’s that any different than getting into some real living, real freedom from the people who’s judgments shun you because they feel you aren’t living up to their self-imposed social standards?

How many people get dressed up for church, yet forget that GOD is Everywhere Present, every moment of every day? As ONE, GOD is naked! Imagine that.

If GOD were to adorn a body, as ONE, it would be naked. Would GOD as NAKED PRESENCE be allowed in your church? Would anyone even recognize Divine Presence as it walked into church, or would they be too busy judging the lack of clothing?

All is so entertaining. There’s no better show in the Universe than what you participate in every day. Once you are aware of your power of authorship, it’s up to you to begin by authoring your own existence.

The only other option is to let others write your story lines for you, which by definition, makes you part of “their cast”, not your own.

Isn’t it funny how most people hate being told what to do, yet, when given the pen, play dead and wait for someone to tell them what is right or wrong, good or bad, what they should or shouldn’t do, what is a sin and what isn’t!

That said, let’s finish our series today:


(this is a long post)

I’ve placed the tai-chi symbol, symbolizing the merry-go-round of mind here for reasons of reference as I continue today. The key thing to remember as we go forward is that the more “convicted” on is with their opinions or judgments, the more they naturally resist the flow of change.

Resisting the flow of change is not only a social issue, it is a personal issue. We can resist the flow of change when we are offered an opportunity for awareness and growth just as quickly as we resist the flow of change in social environments.

Being open-minded, empathetic and compassionate for those caught in ego-mind and conditioned beliefs, or simply allowing life to unfold in the confidence that Universal Intelligence is creating beauty beyond our range of understanding exemplifies the green zone of homeostasis in the center of the diagram.

The yellow zone is essentially a transitional zone. Those healing from red enter yellow on the way to green. Those losing sight of TAO will percolate, bubbling up out of green into yellow from time to time. To the degree that green becomes their common mode of “being”, visits to yellow are short-lived and often serve as a reminder of how peaceful living in the green zone is.

It’s important to remember that in each lifetime, we expose ourselves to the events that will provide the necessary resistance and opportunity to grow our spiritual muscles so-to-speak. If you think of a baby chick in an egg, you can envision how it must have adequate time in the egg to move and push against the shell (ego) so it has the strength to exist in a field of gravity. If mother hen just thought, “the hell with sitting on these eggs all the time, I’ll just crack this little sucker open and put this kid on the fast track, the chick would simply die of exposure.

We too must progressively develop our awareness of is and isn’t as a means of becoming capable of recognizing where the middle between is and isn’t actually exists.

As spiritual chicks, we have no means of understanding what love “is” until we perceive we know “what love isn’t”. Once we grow through exposure to polarity, we begin to learn zen, the most efficient way. We learn to manage ourselves such that we don’t invest our creative potential into what we don’t want.

In that process, we also learn that attempting to control others “because we think we know a better way” only leads to more pain and follies because such people are exercising their muscles of independence.

You can’t take their pain away or they may become co-dependent upon you, making you their new addiction, yet if you use pain to redirect them, they resent you even though you are moving them in the right direction!

The very best thing we can do once we find middle – zen, is to offer our wisdom as an unbound offering. That’s what my blog is. An “offering” based primarily on “my personal experience of being on this path for 50 years.”

When we live out truth, others inherently sense our inner-calm and conviction with who we are. That alone gives them inspiration and stimulates their awareness; they begin to watch quietly and carefully from the background, where they feel safe. Soon enough, they begin to incorporate little pieces of wisdom; as much as they can without feeling they are changing so much they risk attack from those that love them. ☺


We visited this diagram earlier in the series when I gave a basic explanation of the flow of TAO.

I shared that tai-chi is created when ALL THAT IS – FULLNESS meets ALL’s EMPTINESS. I shared that when something meets no-thing, we have something akin to rock meeting water, which produces perpetual transition; the rock becomes less full and the water becomes more full.

That transitional state is one in which energy changes from and that process exemplifies the word “Spirit”. Spirit expresses energy moving, which creates consciousness of! The Spirit of the Universe creates the Kosmic MIND.

I also shared my own experience and basic applications of the elements.

Today, I will apply the tai-chi merry-go-round model to key aspects of our lives in hopes of bringing some concluding clarity to our entire discussion. I will, and can only share my own experiences and views based on a lifetime of exploring these issues personally and professionally.

Most of you are familiar with my 4 Doctor model. The 4 Doctors are psychophysical archetypes or energy guiding structures. They represent our codes of values and awareness by which we live.

Each of the 4 Doctors has body correlates and mind or mental correlates that are susceptible to, and react or respond to polarity. By better understanding the 4 Doctors and their correlates, I feel we can become more aware, allowing us to make better decisions as to how to effectively manage our emotional~mental reality.

Dr. Quiet

Dr. Quiet represents silence, stillness, Pure Potential, and is the home of intuition; the silent lover and silent teacher or UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Dr. Quiet is exemplified in the tai-chi merry-go-round as the sun radiating from the center of the tai-chi symbol and can be equated to the eye of the storm; there’s no action there because the action revolves “around the eye”.

I used a little sun symbol because the sun shines it’s light and gives it’s warmth in every direction and has no preference to offer the burning man in the desert, nor the freezing man in winter. It simply “IS” the sun for everyone.

Dr. Quiet exemplifies our True Potential and is the well from which we can choose to drink all we desire; that well never runs dry because it represents a ZERO-POINT FIELD.

Dr. Quiet “IS”, without an isn’t. The instant we create an isn’t, we’ve entered the realm of Dr. Movement. We’ve chosen a direction (God is such and such), which creates exclusion by definition of direction; going “north” is not going south, east or west.

When we are with Dr. Quiet, we are in full listening mode. Open receptivity. In the above diagram (Thought-Action Polarity), Dr. Quiet is exemplified as the “0” and the flat black line that exemplifies the absence of vibration or movement.

In the diagram titled “Modes of Imbalance” above, you see that Dr. Quiet contains two chief qualities, which are Silence and Truth.


The Hindu Philosopher-Sage Shankara encapsulated the truth of using movement, mind, or exclusion in attempt to understand and experience Unconditional Love or Absolute Inclusion (SILENCE) beautifully with this statement:

“Study of the scriptures is fruitless as long as [Ultimate Reality] has not been experienced. And when [Ultimate Reality] has been experienced, it is useless to read the scriptures.”

Ref: Shankara’s Crest Jewel of Discrimination. Translated by Swami Prabhavananda and Christopher Isherwood, Hollywood: Vedanta Press, 1975. Pg. 41.

Almost every great sage or philosopher I’ve studied has said the same thing in their own way. I could literally compose a book of quotes and verses from enlightened beings that all say the same thing.

What Shankara is sharing with us is that when we spend time with Dr. Quiet, we learn to become “one with Dr. Quiet”.

When we become one with Dr. Quiet, we become one with ALL THAT CAN BE KNOWN.

Once we have that experience, even if for just a moment, it is as thought the libraries of the world have been downloaded into our psyche.

Once we reenter ego-mind, we can only access one book, one line, one word at a time, yet, we inherently know which books are worth reading because they simply restate the obvious we’ve experienced.

Once we are truly aware that we have a nose, reading books that inform you that humans have noses is a waste of time.

Yet, any book that can really inform you of the technical functions and benefits of a nose will be written in language largely inaccessible to those trying to figure out what a nose is and how it functions. Therefore, reading such books about noses when you don’t understand the language of ear, nose and throat physicians is more likely to confuse you than aid your understanding; how is that any different than reading the Bible, Koran, Torah, Tao Te Ching, etc!?

If you come to a teacher such as myself that truly does understand noses, how they work, and why you have one, you are more likely to be taken through “nose awareness exercises” than to be given a technical book on noses!.

“Touch the extension between your eyes and your mouth”! “That’s a nose”! “keep your mouth closed and breathe!can you feel the air moving through your nose?” “Yes.”

“Now, use this mirror and look inside your nose. There are hairs and a mucus membrane that line bony passages called turbinates. Turbinates cause the air to swirl and increase the surface area in your nose, allowing the air to be more effectively moistened and filtered; it is the action of these aspects in your nose that result in the formation of buggers, which are composed of the waste you don’t want clogging your lungs!.”

“Noses are also loaded with nerve endings that give you your ability to smell!have you ever noticed that you can’t taste food very well when your nose is clogged?” “Yes.”

“Then you also understand that your nose aids your ability to smell, which improves your ability to choose?”

“Yes. I understand.” “Oh, now I get it! I understand that my nose is less about aesthetics and more about functionality!”

“Yes. Now that you understand that, you also understand that no matter how much make-up you wear, or how many times you pierce your nose, it will not function better.”

“Yes. I understand teacher.”

“How many more books will you read before you start using your nose for what it’s for instead of using it as a pin cushion, a bulletin board, or a color pallet?”

“Now that I understand what it is and what it’s for, I’ll stop reading about it and use it.”

“Good. You’ve authentically experienced your nose and can now begin having a relationship with it instead of abusing it because you are confused like others that paint, poke and don’t use their noses.”

What Is Silence?
If you created an imaginary weapon that could de-atomize the entire universe so that not a single atom existed, what would be left?


GOD is that which exists in the world (MIND/MOVEMENT) but can exist independent of the world.

All movement, all vibration, all “creations” are expressions of vibrations that are like waves on the sea of silence. Therefore, SILENCE is TRUTH. Everything else is a projection that requires a label to separate from everything else that can be labeled.

Once you use ego-mind, truth is always relative. To the degree that you fight for this or that truth, you equally energize the “not-truth” of “your chosen truth”; to the degree that you insist the water in the lake is cold, you give credence to, and assume that those you are talking to understand, and have the same (relative) ideas as you do regarding what is “hot”. “Fighting war!supports war”!


Dr. Happiness is the territory of MIND and can only exist as a quality when identified as such in your mind. Happiness is a relative state of perception.

Some boxers are most happy when beating others and being beaten by others, yet their mothers generally don’t share the same means of expressing their “happiness”. Happiness is a “perceptual state of being” that can only exist because it’s relative opposite, unhappiness exists.

The more a person seeks happiness as this, or as that, the more they support duality. As Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cybernetics beautifully points out, success does not guarantee happiness and happiness may not express (social ideas of) success.

I suspect you are all well aware of the commonality of suicide among the rich and famous. This exemplifies that success doesn’t bring happiness. This exemplifies that happiness dependent upon perceptions of this or that as qualifiers only creates a box; that box can’t be untied from the inside (shadow or false self).

Happiness as a quality is ephemeral, temporary to the degree that it has it’s origin in mind or maya (illusion).

Happiness becomes one’s authentic state of being when they become rooted in Dr. Quiet because there, there is the enduring experience of peace, which Plotinus exemplified as the soul’s authentic quality of “Abiding”, which requires no qualifier or co-dependent quality for it’s being; even in the midst of all the follies of the ego, the soul abides, untouched by the events of your life.

The soul abides as “witness”, never becoming entangled in the show!

Good and Beauty

Whatever moves you toward understanding the nature and function of your own nose is good. When you use your nose as a nose, it works beautifully. Good and beauty are words that exemplify the non-dual nature of GOD. Only when we use them within a dualistic concept (good is the opposite of bad; beauty is the opposite of ugly) do they express projections of the ego-state.

When a person truly understands the nature of Dr. Quiet, they truly recognize that the Universe is Good, is Beautiful. They realize that all other dualistic projections ultimately only make the TRUTH more exciting to find in the great treasure hunt for SELF.

Happiness EXERCISE

Take a moment to write down all the qualifiers you’ve put in place before you deem yourself as able to be “happy”. Note how many other factors in your life may abort the perceived sense of happiness; what if you are only happy when the sun’s out and you planned a day of being happy and it rains? What if you can only be happy when the kids are quiet, but!they are kids 24/7?

What can you do to be less dualistic in your expressions and experiences of “happiness”? Can you find the gaps between the noises and enjoy them as much as you can enjoy knowing that others are creating the kind of happiness they’ve matured to or been led to experience by those that are authentically happy?

The more qualifiers you need to deem this or that as “happiness, good, or true”, the more polarized your childhood programming is likely to have been. If your childhood was not steeped in polarity as I’ve described it here, chances are good you’ve been infected by the social mind and now have a mind virus.


Dr. Movement exemplifies any and all things moving. The entire created Universe – Existence – is in a perpetual state of movement; all atoms are moving at incredible speeds! Thoughts are said by some scientists to move at, or faster than the speed of light.

Without movement, there can be no experience. Without experience, there can be no knowledge. Without knowledge, there can be no wisdom. Without wisdom, you can’t find or understand your nose, nor share that wisdom with others.


TAO exemplifies the Zero-Point Field and like a zero, it “IS”. Just as Richard Feynman’s experiments in quantum electrodynamics proved that photons are conscious – they make choices – they choose to be particles, or waves, he and others showed that the choice to become a particle “did not exclude it’s being a wave.”

If you think of yin as a particle state, and yang as a wave state, it would a very significant statement of misunderstanding to assume that yang could exist without yin in any state. If that were possible my dear friends, the universe would dissolve into no-thingness at that very instant!

TAO exemplifies Plotinus’ three qualities of the soul:

1. Abiding (Unmoved Mover, Wei Wu Wei)

2. Representing (anything you can see or know “as” represents something)

3. Reflecting (only that which represents can be reflected; you can’t see your image in a mirror if you aren’t standing in front of it (representing begets reflecting)

The message of the great Taoists like Lao Tzu and Chang Tzu is that by spending time with (your nose) DR. QUIET or TAO without projecting, you come to realize that all representations are temporary, and therefore, can’t be TRUTH.

Representation and reflection depend on Abiding just as the dance and dancer depend on “the dance floor”.


Dr. Diet exemplifies that which the body mind consumes to satiate desires; the chief of which, among the intelligent, express “needs above and before wants”!

The physical body feeds on food.

The emotional body feeds on emotion.

The mental body feeds on thought.

Just as you have good food, and not so good food, or even non-foods pawned off as foods, the same is true of emotions and thoughts. Once we are clear that we are ready to “experience and understand our nose and that having a relationship with it will bring experiences that cultivate knowledge which can’t be gained from a book in reverse order”, we also enter into awareness.

We become aware of what foods, emotions, and thoughts satiate us without being codependent experiences that only lead to what we don’t want.


Grace is the gift of They Mystery. Grace occurs when we give without expectation of return because we know that to give through Grace is to Give to our Self.


Without transformation, there can be no time or experience “of”.

Dr. Diet exemplifies your values with regard to what you are transforming and what you are creating by transforming. As the old saying goes, “you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit.” There is a limit to what we can effectively transform at the levels of body, emotion, and ego-mind.

Because transformation is a word that describes Spirit, our spirituality will express our capacity to, and willingness to transform, which requires that you “authentically understand how to use your own nose”.


These terms were created by Rudolf Steiner. They exemplify key body systems that are all co-dependent upon each other as a means of supporting the whole body-mind construct.

To the degree that our choices induce body-mind polarity of greater magnitudes than can exemplify homeostasis, we induce stress on each of these systems, which is then shared, or dissipated through the other systems:

Sense Man = Your nervous system

Rhythm Man = Your hormonal system

Metabolism Man = Your organs of digestion, metabolism, assimilation and elimination, all of which are co-dependent upon each other.

Limb Man = Your musculoskeletal system or “capacity to express your (free) will.

The greater the polarity of one’s programming and/or self-perception, the greater the magnitude of stress present in each and all the above body-mind systems.

As I’ve highlighted many times in many blogs, I repeatedly find harsh religious programming at the root of most diseases people have when they ask for my help. I’ve seen people spend fortunes chasing a “cure”, yet, in just a few hours getting their God model sorted out, I’ve seen 20 years of pain vanish forever!


I hope you’ve enjoyed this series. It is my dream that you all join me in a daily practice of abiding, getting to know the Self through Dr. Quiet.

The paradox is that you go there every night as you sleep! The difference is that when you are asleep, (most of) you are unconscious – unaware. By entering into a meditative practice and letting the mind rest and not getting involved in its follies, slowly you learn not to energize the shadow construct of the ego and the duality between light and dark begins to diminish.

Each moment allows you to experience True Happiness, True Peace, and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. When we spend time with a teacher of that quality, we naturally learn to exemplify those qualities.

Through the practice of being aware of how the body-mind actually functions, you begin to have the same experiences a student has when they are given exercises to better understand their own nose.

I’ve personally studied a massive amount of metaphysical teachings and all related subject matter so I could seek ways to experience the teachings. I’ve tried a countless number of meditation methods, religious teachings, and Aboriginal approaches (shamanism).

I’ve found none of them are better or worse than the others in their essence. They are all offerings like food on a table. Just as some are inclined to eat tomatoes and others don’t respond well to them, the secret is to choose to practice what feels good to you and suits your personality.

What has come of my own practice is a deep sense of inner-security because I’ve had numerous, undeniable EXPERIENCES of oneness with what people refer to as God.

Those experiences have taught me what GOD is. Because of my willingness to explore my own ego in search of truth and ultimate meaning, I’m not afraid of death, nor public speaking! I know who I’m talking to.

Each day, I do my best to witness my ego. Often I have to calm it and talk to it like I’d talk to a scared or angry dog. But it always responds if I approach my dog with love. I know that the journey home to Self-Realization would be meaningless without an ego.

Therefore, I’ve chosen to embrace my body, and my ego-mind. For if I have them, they are proof that the Grace of GOD exists.

Those of you that feel ready to dive into “getting to know your own nose” will find the PPS Lesson 1. How To Find and Live Your Legacy very helpful. Once you purchase that program, you have access to my weekly coaching calls and many years or recorded calls so you can have the comfort of guidance and getting questions asked to gain clarity.

For those of you that are more inclined to “do things yourself”, you will have a great support system for exploring yourself intelligently by studying my program titled, The 1-2-3-4 For Overcoming Addiction, Obesity and Disease. This program comes with about 11 hours of audio and a workbook to guide your explorations.

Those of you that would like to know more about the growth and development of the soul and how to care for yourself more effectively will be richly rewarded by attending the upcoming CHEK Conference in San Diego, September 1-4, 2011, which you can learn more about by visiting www.chekinstitute.com.

Today, please feel free to email me your comments or thoughts about this series, or apply and test some of my teachings to better develop the “whole” of you.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Love and chi,
Paul Chek

  • Thanks Paul for taking the time to write this series. I took the most notes on part 2. After completing Chek IV, PPS 1&2 in 2008 I have been looking around at other courses. I teach TRX, TP Performance Therapy, Vipr and look at them from the framework that I have learnt from your teachings. These courses are movement based and are easy to deconstruct. I started to learn the mind-body union of yoga and whilst I know you know that the physical effort is not a problem it became a low priority to complete. I have home studied from Ramthas school of enlightenment but by far the most useful is Walter Russells home study course which I read a couple of pages per month. Stubborn as I am I am slowly realising and Doug Hetrick would back this up with my human design that I am one who likes to do it myself. I have listened to 1234 audio several times when training for my ultramarathon – now I listen to nature and my meditative thoughts. Thanks for the framework, the continued mirrors and crystal balls they help with introspection and direction. I am enjoying the fear and love of creating and living the ups and downs of my own living philosophy. Lastly, I finally have a venue in Thailand for my retreats as we discussed in our consultation in 2008. Thanks again and happy birthday for the 24th of August. Ross

  • Amy Van Ooyen

    I love this series Paul.
    I kept falling asleep when trying to read it, so I knew it was striking gold!!
    I really enjoy taking myself places where I feel challenged, coming out with clarity on the “other side” is one of my favourtie feelings (even though it may mean spending some time in the yellow/red zone)

    Much appreciation and gratitude for sharing!!
    Looking forward to the next butt-kicking! 🙂

  • Brandyn


    Yes, extremely helpful for me. I remember you going over the “is” and the “isn’t” in exercise coach just over a year ago and I really connected with what you were teaching, but now reading over it again in this last series has really deepened my understanding and added much more meaning for me.

    Thank you a ton for your time and energy, it means the world to me.


  • Paul Chek

    Hi Brandyn,
    Meditation is not an “active process”; that would constitute “doing something”. Meditation is “witnessing” without “attachment”. You must be like a lifeguard who has to watch “everyone” on the beach and can’t afford to fall in love with some chicks backside or the kid on the other side of the beach may drown.” When you go into meditation, let your mind rest like you’d let muscles rest after a hard set of exercise. As the ego begins putting all sorts of images, thoughts and judgments on the screen of your mind, witness them. To the degree that you become aware of patterns of thought or behavior that aren’t reflective of who you now choose to be, after your meditation is over, take notes on what you witnessed and create action items to cultivate awareness; if you tendency is to get hot quickly in arguments, and your meditation shows that clearly to you, then create a code of awareness that says “when I feel fire rising, I consciously choose to use the hose to cool myself down and stay balanced.”

    As you practice, there will be gaps of time when you even forget you are sitting or standing there, forget that you are alive. You will be in a state of deep peace, bliss, non-attachment. Yet, paradoxically, you will be the most “aware” of what life is and what’s behind the illusion of time and movement that you’ve ever been. THIS IS THE STATE OF NO-MIND.

    With practice, you will learn how to get to that state more quickly. You will also learn to see the ego’s follies and learn to shut them off quicker; you learn to train your dog not to eat your shoes and hump people’s legs! When the dog rests, No-MIND begins to emerge. As NO-MIND emerges and you become comfortable there, you will have periods that are described as “Peak States” by athletes, or like a runner’s high; you still do what you need to do, but the judging mind goes quiet. Soon, projects that seem long and arduous, like cleaning a house or garage are done better, faster, and…you come to enjoy repetitive, simple acts because they become active meditations.

    In NO-MIND, there is no filtration of incoming Spirit by the ego-mind. You can get MASSIVE downloads in seconds. So massive, it may take a month of writing and/or artistic expression to bring form to it and grasp it all. If you practice regularly for a year or more, you will come to the point that you clearly realize you can learn more in a couple NO-MIND sessions than you could reading books for a month straight. Your insights will also show you that much of what is written books by so-called “experts” is really just cut n paste babble they’ve taken somewhere else and doesn’t match reality at all!

    For example, if you read a dozen books that explain the chakras, you’ll find multiple contradictory explanations. If you don’t have the inner experience of your own chakras and can’t see or feel them in others, you’ll be at an impass due to expert contradictions, which often creates fear in people. Once you are intimate because you’ve become “Aware”, you can tell the real McCoy from the reruns.

    I hope that helps you,
    Much chi,

  • Brandyn

    Hello Paul,

    I really enjoyed the last series that you wrote about. I’m wondering about meditation… while in meditation is there a goal of getting into NO MIND? and/or watching my thoughts for patterns and the ways that they link together to create the different behaviors that I act out in any given day? And is going into NO MIND kinda of like downloading information into yourself from source?

  • Paul Chek

    Hi Kerri,
    I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the series. It was a lot of work for me to write with my limited time, but felt it was necessary to share enough that it could be “therapeutic”, not just an article or short blerb that doesn’t offer any depth of comprehension or tools for change.
    As for your situation, I’m glad you are both getting clear with each other. My advice is to not rush. I’d recommend you do PPS Lesson 1 together if you haven’t as yet. Then, once you have created your individual “I” values and “WE” values, compare then and draw up a set of specific “WE” values you will now agree to run your relationship with.

    It is likely to be challenging living together once you start seeing other people. Some can, some can’t handle their emotions in that phase of relationship change. As long as you are honest with each other as to your individual needs, and are clear as to how you will meet the collective needs of your family, I’m confident you will all have a great, opening and growing experience.

    The most important issues is always making sure the children know you are still loving and respecting each other; not trying to get the kids to take sides; and meeting their needs as parents. In this period, many become self-centered to the degree that the children become nervous and feel lost and alone. If your actions create more freedom and cultivate your ability to feel and create more love, everyone will win.
    Love and chi,

  • Kerri

    Hi Paul. I have really enjoyed this series and I have learned so much from it too.
    My partner, of nearly 14 years and 3 children, has come to the conclusion that our union is no longer working for him. In reality it hasn’t “worked” for a very long time. I’ve come to the realisation that it was my shadow self always trying to “fix” things. My shadow self made me feel the emotions of guilt and failure, probably so I could keep trying to “fix” things. I have resisted change hoping that everything will come out in the wash. All I have been doing is wasting precious time and energy. I am now endeavouring to embrace this period of change and growth. In fact, I’m actually enjoying living for the first time in a very long time.
    But, I have a question for you. Neither my partner nor I want to live away from our children, and neither of us can afford to live elsewhere, we have agreed to continue living as a family, just no longer as a couple. Do you have any suggestions to help my transition through this time as my home holds so many good and bad memories and emotions?
    Thanks for your time,