April 23, 2013

Tips for Resolving Conflict on Our Dream Team (Pt. 2)

Beautiful Day to All!

Communication Essentials

The number of times I’ve allowed my emotions to inflame, and disrupt my ability to communicate effectively is significant. There comes a time in our life when, if we are willing, we begin to see patterns emerging.

It may be that you recognize that every time you talk to your mother or father that you get triggered and react in ways that you realize don’t really represent who you choose to be “now”.

It could be that you keep hearing people of importance to you say, “you don’t listen to me when I’m talking to you”!

To help me learn to communicate better, my mother and her husband, Alex, offered to teach me the basics of non-violent communication (see: www.cnvc.org for info and resources).

This was many years ago and I’m still working on implementing the basics effectively in my communications.

An excellent resource I’ve found very helpful is a beautiful little pocketbook titled, “NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION – The Basics As I Know and Use Them” by Wayland Myers Ph.D.

Wayland suggests that we always gather four pieces of essential information when communicating effectively is our motive:

1. Event: Do I know what event served as a trigger for the party I am speaking with, or, if I initiated the conversation, have I clearly identified my triggering event?

2. Emotions: Do I know what emotions others were feeling about this event and have I told them what mine are?

3. Personal Needs: Have we both (or all) clearly identified which personal needs of ours are producing our feelings and are we adequately differentiating between our needs and requests?

4. Immediate Needs: Do we know what each of us wants to do, or request that the other(s) do right now? What might help us feel more confortable or content in the present?

Answering these questions helps me decide if our struggles are due to a missing or confused piece of information. Allowing everyone to answer these questions helps each person to feel safe to experience their emotions and express their needs.

Tomorrow, I’ll highlight some of the booby traps we often set for ourselves and step right into when communicating in relationships with self and others.

For you CHEK and HLC Practitioners, I’ll be delivering the C.H.E.K Institute Webinar, tomorrow at 12pm pdt: Making Effective Choices to Support Your Dreams, which I’m excited to share.


This morning, I was sitting at my desk discussing a client with my friend and associate Csaba Lucas when this beautiful, healthy, STRONG looking bobcat walked right in front of my office window.

Bobcat 1

I quickly called to Vidya (in the loudest soft tone I could make so as not to scare it off) to come see it. We both stood right next to the sliding glass door looking at it as it stopped right there and looked at us. It stayed and exchanged visual observations with us for about half a minute.

I was so excited to see it, while trying not to loose my call and get my camera function working…

I was only able to get the camera functional as it walked across the patio and jumped into the brush. If you double click on the photo, it will enlarge. The bobcat is right in the middle of the photo, just walking off the edge of the patio.

It had a very regal manor to it. It didn’t show any fear of our being close to it, even when we went outside and were standing a few feet from it.

We are very excited they are coming this close to us now. The first time I saw one, I was standing outside having a pee. I felt something moving in front of me and looked up just in time to see it jump into the brush.

Just a week or two ago, I closed my eyes and asked my soul to connect me to the Over-Soul of the Bobcat family. When we were connected, I shared that Vidya and I mean no harm and would love to visit them and get to know them.

Since I’ve been here for 4 months now and we’ve just had our first face-to-face visit, who knows, maybe I did make a good connection and Mother Nature is responding to my offer for friendly connection.

Where are you making friendly connections with nature?

I hope you are enjoying life and are embracing the opportunity to put your feet on the ground regularly.

Each day is a GREAT DAY to celebrate the mystery of life and the L0Ve manifest through nature’s presence!

Love and chi,
Paul Chek

Zen in the Garden Workshop - May 25, 2013